Toward A Principal of

"A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes"
--Wittgenstein

THESIS – DOB is insane because her behavior has no coherent basis and her conversation isn’t so much stream-of-consciousness as swamp-of-consciousness.

ANTITHESIS – It is I who am insane because I cannot translate what she said into what she tried to/meant to say. Seriously, remember when a game of Twenty Questions was fun? The game no longer holds any charm for me.

SYNTHESIS –Alas, perhaps we’re all insane.

HYPOTHESIS – Here in the Fortress of Attitude, insanity is endemic, but not necessarily fatal. When provided with sufficient inoculations of controlled substances, conversation devoid of coherence can be quite entertaining. For example:

DOB: The dog is scratching again, and seems to be opening up sores.

UCC: (With a perfect idea of where this will go, but unable to resist) Should I make an appointment for the vet?

DOB: (apparently unable to answer a yes/no question with yes or no) I think it might be because he can’t poop in your side of the yard anymore (because I’m sick of picking up shit and nobody else will, e.g. TCG) and has to go where the coyotes go (on her side of the yard) and he’s picked up some disease from coyote poop.

UCC; (Trying not to look too incredulous) Doubtful.

WISIMH: This actually makes sense if you assume I’m out to get you and your dog. The only problem with this thesis is that if I was out to get you/your dog, I could probably come up with something that worked quicker than hypothetical coyote poop.

TCG: Should people with glass eyes consider replacing them with eye-sized snow globes?

UCC: Only if they covered the snow globe eye with an eye patch when they appeared in public.

PROSTHESIS - If we could only have a light-signaling system to accompany speech, perhaps communication would be facilitated. For example, when one is saying something that makes any kind of sense, there would be a green light above their head. When the speaker veers into a rant or expression of passive aggression, a yellow light would appear. When the speaker appears to become lost in the jungle of misfiring neurons and nothing coming out of their mouth makes sense – a red light. Finally, for all conversations about shopping for bargains: a blue light.

Putting Things Away

UCC: (Opening the carton of cat food and putting the cans away in the cupboard)

TCG: I was going to put them away.

UCC: I just thought I'd like them put away sometime in 2009.

TCG: I just have to catch my breath. I was going to put them away later, I promise.

WISIMH: Imagine that? I was going to the backyard to dig up the ammunition, load the pistol, and blow my brains out. I’ll get to that later, I promise.