Unnamed Co-Conspirator
The once overly sensitive and delicate waif who grew up and fell in love and grew up some more. The character in this comedy of errors who most needs a place to say all the things clapped behind her hand, burning her tongue, and thereby adding to the already robust spice of the interpersonal relationships in the Fortress of Attitude. The only difference between UCC and a madman is that UCC has no penis.
The Couch Garden
So much more than a mere couch potato - an entire garden! UCC's roommate who, unless he's watching TV in his recliner, is probably lying on the couch resting up from a session in his recliner. TCG is as endearingly crazy in love with UCC as ever, but has long since dropped out of the race. The second laziest person in the world, and the love of UCC's life.
The Gardener
The bitter old woman that UCC will become soon unless soomething happens soon (Purposefully redundant). This character spends most of the time cultivating TCG and DOB. In any time left over, TG functions as the Ghost of the Future in this blog, appearing without warning and scaring the crapp out of UCC.
The Demented old Bitch
The third roommate in the Fortress, living in a back room with her faithful canine companion Old Fat Dog. DOB combines the fun of paranoia with the wisdom of delusion. She has one tooth, and frankly, communicates more by smell than meaningful sound in this performance. Daily, DOB and FOD endeavor to create olfactory symphonies composed of various smells of mysterious origin. You never know who has contributed to what part of the olfactory bomb that explodes in your head when you enter their room. Now well into her dotage, her personal hygiene skills are eclipsed only by the wit and subtle nuance of her repartee. In her prime, it is unlikely her personality would have won her a place on the cheerleading team, and now.... well, let's just leave it at fucking old bitch.
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